


The Image Is a Dream, The beauty Is Real

by NightingalesAndHandGrenades (Nightingalesandhandgrenades)



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: Boys are in pain, F/F, F/M, Give these two some love because they are hopeless, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-02-16 15:02:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18693850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightingalesandhandgrenades/pseuds/NightingalesAndHandGrenades
Summary: Tomas prays and waits for Marcus to come back, but when he does - everything changes for them. Tomas just really wants to keep Marcus safe if that is even possible in the life of exorcists.





	1. Be True To Yourself

**Author's Note:**

  * For [toffeecape](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toffeecape/gifts), [stececilia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stececilia/gifts), [cinelitchick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinelitchick/gifts), [Pradelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pradelle/gifts), [ofbloodandbone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofbloodandbone/gifts).



> Thank you to my TE fandom mates on the discord server for supporting me throughout the process if writing this. I hope you'll enjoy it.

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. ''  
― Rob Siltanen

 

It's early spring and although the evenings are becoming lighter, it's still not as light as it is in the summer. The town is quiet apart from the evening dog walkers and a rare owl flying over people's heads, looking for an evening meal. The air is charged, but most evening walkers don't notice it at all. Or if they notice, they attribute it to the time of the year, or simply the pollution people had brought into this world. It is, after all, much easier for people to do that than to believe that paranormal exists. 

The alleyway is quiet and deserted. Footsteps bounce off the walls and create an echo of a lonely figure in dark clothes. A hat obscures his face, and he avoids the street lights with a practised ease. 

Marcus Keane walks the streets like a shadow from his own past. He's the predator this time. Stalking its prey and following it wherever it goes. He picks up on the anomalies most people ignore. His eyes are trained to see what others are not capable of seeing, because he's seen it happen right before his eyes one too many times.

Demonic possession.

The 21st century people often think that it's just an old wife's tale to scare the children into doing what the adults want them to. Marcus Keane knows better. He sees it day in, day out. He cannot even count how many demons he's exorcised in his 54 years of life. He never expected to live this long. He never expected to be able to have this body for that long, and walk the streets as a man. As an exorcist.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Tomas Ortega is not quite ready when he first receives the vision of Marcus Keane in Mexico. He doesn't even know the man's name. He's not ready to be sucked into this world of exorcisms and demons, and Church politics.

\Months and months on the road with Marcus turns into the biggest adventure he has ever been on, but it also becomes hard and painful. Somewhere along the lines he's fallen in love with this stubborn man who gets on his nerves about six hundred times a day.

They work together, they share crappy morel rooms and bicker about crap coffee, terrible gas station food, and lack of rest. They help people, and Tomas knows he's falling deeper and deeper. His visions don't help. They trash his brain and don't allow him to compartmentalise his feelings properly. 

Thankfully, Marcus doesn't pay attention to demons shouting abuse in their face, nor he pays attention when they taunt Tomas for his love. Tomas doesn't care. He's not ashamed of being in love with another man. God hasn't struck him down yet, so perhaps He doesn't mind. He did bring them together after all. Tomas believes that his visions come from God, and not from demons. He knows Marcus isn't as convinced at times, but he can't change the other man's mind.

He knows there is a wall between them. Sometimes it seems that they both want to reach out and touch one another. They want to reach out, but something always holds Marcus back. The tension between them is real. You can often cut it with a knife.

That motel room after they get back from the island is full of tension and pain. He can feel it. There are so many things he wants to say, but that hug says everything. And that's when Tomas knows he will regret not kissing Marcus.

It's a glorious kiss. Their lips meet as if they have been lovers for centuries. Marcus' mouth is soft and hot, and wet, and Tomas wants more. He wants to crawl inside the other man and never leave. He can feel every muscle in the other man's body straining as Marcus cups his face and strokes his cheeks with his thumbs. Tears he was trying to hide finally fall, and Tomas can't help but murmur endearments in Spanish while wiping them away.

''I can't stay, Tomas. You know I can't,'' Marcus' voice breaks and this is probably the most vulnerable Tomas has ever seen him. ''I have failed you, and I have failed God, and He has turned away from me. Tomas, I can't taint you with what I am... your vows, your soul... I can't''.  
It sounds final even if Marcus is trying to convince himself more than he's trying to convince Tomas.

His heart shatters into million pieces. It hurts so bad the younger man wants to peel off his skin and rip out the pieces of his own heart. Feed them to stray dogs.

''I'm in love with you,'' he finally says and Marcus squeezes his eyes shut and pulls him into a fierce hug. 

''I know sweetheart. I'm in love with you too,'' his voice breaks and Tomas hides his face against Marcus' neck. 

The ex-priest cradles the back of Tomas' head, running his finger through the dark hair he loves so much. He can't stay. He needs to go and find himself again like he has done so many times in his life. Marcus cannot stay and lie to Tomas like he has been ever since they met. 

He didn't know this moment was coming. Marcus thought they would part ways without this declaration, but now it's out in the open, and leaving is going to be the hardest thing he has ever done in his life. Marcus knows Tomas might never forgive him, and he has to be ready for that too. 

''You understand I have to go, Tomas... ,'' Marcus doesn't know how to really justify it.   
The man he thought wasn't interested whatsoever has just declared love, and he can't even be a good lover and stick around. 

Tomas Ortega surprises him on every turn, though. Instead of a tantrum or his usual stubbornness, the younger man just nods and hugs him tighter. It feels like he's trying to soak up as much of Marcus' warmth and scent as he can. Marcus could almost deal with screaming easier than he can with this... solemn acceptance. Whatever protest Tomas had seems to have died right with the light in his eyes. He steps back, hands falling to his sides, and Marcus wants to pull him back, tell him that they agreed...it is not forever. It's just...for now.

So he doesn't say anything. He hates seeing Tomas this defeated. It gnaws at the tattered remains of his self-control, and his soul is howling like a pack of hungry wolves. His heart for once agrees with his brain and pointedly calls him an asshole. An asshole who doesn't deserve someone like Tomas. Beautiful, charismatic, talented Tomas, who would drop everything and follow Marcus to the gates of Hell.

Mouse knew he was leaving. She could always read him better than most people. He leaves Tomas in her capable hands, and she doesn't comment on the redness of his eyes or the tear tracks. She knows. Maybe one day she will be able to forgive him for both – herself and Tomas. Mostly for Tomas. In the short period of time she has known the man, Mouse has grown fiercely protective over the priest. Even if he is an idiot for not saying something sooner and now letting Marcus leave.

Marcus walks away, refusing to look back. He knows that if he looks back now, he will never leave, and it will become messy. He needs to sort out his own head before he can return to Tomas as Marcus Keane again. The demons rarely get to him. And this time they aren't to blame for Marcus' weird mindset. 

This time it had been Verity Kim's knowing eyes on him. She looked at him and saw what he truly was. A liar. 

Marcus doesn't have a real aim. He just walks and prays at the same time. What does an exorcist without a real aim do? What does an ex-priest who is also an exorcist do when he cannot speak to God. The noise in his own head is so loud, Marcus wants to claw at his head. It's not the noise he wants to hear. God is still quiet and not responding.

He picks up jobs at the docks. It's honest work, and doesn't involve a lot of talking to others. He can be alone with his thoughts and pray. Marcus never stops praying even though God is silent. He has to believe that God knows and is looking out for Tomas. Marcus misses him like he misses air. 

God's voice in his head is so loud, it makes him deaf for more than an hour, and even when he regains hearing, his ears still ring.


	2. Footsteps In The Sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot going on with Marcus. Always. There is a lot of buzz in his head and not all of it useful.

Tomas Ortega is many things. He's passionate, bold and often impulsive. One thing he isn't is an idiot. He knows there is a lot going on, and Marcus is hiding. It's something he cannot put his finger on. Marcus Keane is a private man who never shares anything that is not directly linked to their current case. 

When they are reunited, Tomas is cautious. The feeling of being burned holds him back. The memory of Jessica is still fresh enough in his mind, and although Tomas' feelings for Marcus are completely different than they had been for Jessica, he's cautious. He looks Marcus up and down and then shrugs and climbs into the passenger seat of the truck without a word. 

Mouse does one better. She punches Marcus in the face and calls him a bastard. Marcus doesn't have anything to say to that. He climbs into the back seat of the truck and Tomas and Mouse pointedly ignore him for the duration of their journey to the next town. It's a simple and quick job, and takes Tomas and Mouse three hours to rid a middle-aged man of a demon that sizzles out without really managing to spout the usual obscenities. They have lunch which consists of coffee, bread and cheese before moving on. 

Tomas has lost weight. He looks pale and has acquired a tremor in his right hand. He's still not speaking to Marcus, but the ex-priest knew that it was a real possibility. He knows the other man can be stubborn, but more than once he catches incredible sadness overcome Tomas' face before the priest notices him looking and schools his features. 

The blank expressions and the silence is eventually going to drive Marcus mad. He can deal with screaming and anger, but this...almost indifference hits him where it hurts. He doesn't think Tomas is doing it with a purpose of prolonging Marcus' suffering, but neither of them are happy at the moment. Marcus doesn't have a clue of what to do. 

Except lock them in a closet somewhere and make Tomas angry enough that he would have no choice but to talk to him. On the other hand, maybe that is not such a good idea. Tomas would just brood in the corner. 

The silence stretches on, and it starts to get on Marcus' nerves. They spend time on the road and Tomas doesn't drive. Not once. He and Mouse exchanges few words, but it's like Marcus has drawn a line between them too. Something that might have been a healthy banter a week ago is now dead silence. It makes him nervous.

They stop in another town and Mouse drops them off at a hotel and Tomas hugs her, murmuring something. She kisses his cheek and goes. Marcus has no idea where she is going or what is going on, since he has not paid attention to the conversation for the last two hundred or so miles on the road. His mind has been wandering far away, he has been praying.

''Come on then, this way,'' Tomas' voice rings out and it's so jarring to hear it addressed to him after such a long silence that Marcus just stares for a moment. ''Are you going to stand there and gape like a fish, or are you going to move?''  
The younger man sounds irritated, but he doesn't turn around and continues onward to the reception where he gets a room key and flirts with the receptionist.

The hotel is not dark or dingy. There are no suspicious smells or mould on the walls. Marcus cannot spot even one cockroach. It seems that in the short space they were separated, Tomas has upgraded hotels and not just his life. Marcus feels like he doesn't belong here. It's not what he is used to, and he doesn't know how to act. The younger man, on the other hand, is confident and simply leads the way to their room. 

It smells nice, has a good view, a decent size shower and a little kitchenette. A definite upgrade from what he's used to. At the moment the worst smelling thing in the space is probably Marcus. Also far the dirtiest, since he's not had a shower while chasing Tomas and Mouse across the country.

For a split second Marcus is afraid that Tomas would offer to shower with him, but the other man does nothing of the sort. The ex-priest's hands are trembling when he closes the bathroom door and locks it behind him, sagging in relief. He undresses slowly and pointedly refuses to look in the mirror. One day maybe he will be proud of his scars, but in this moment they just remind him of the shame he feels. Living a lie is easier if there is nobody in your life who could be directly affected by the lie.

Marcus has Tomas. Or he did before he screwed up. The Tomas on the other side of the door is a different man from the one Marcus declared his love to. It's the same beautiful face, but the eyes don't hold the warmth he remembers. There is a frown creasing his forehead Marcus remembers only being there on tough cases.

He stands under the hot spray of the shower and gives thanks to the water pressure gods. It's there where he realises that Tomas has not touched him since their reunion. Not once. They used to touch one another all the time. A brush of shoulders, a hand on his forearm. A subtle bump of their feet under a table or a palm on his face, pulling him away from horror and darkness. Now there is nothing. 

Marcus gets dressed in clothes Tomas had thrust in his arms, and they are soft and smell of washing powder and softener. They don't feel scratchy and alien against his skin and that is something he can't say often. He emerges from the bathroom after brushing his teeth and finds Tomas pacing the room talking to someone on the phone. He can't hear the voice on the other end. He speaks in rapid Spanish, so it could be anyone. When the call ends, the younger man sighs and rubs his eyes. There is a tense line in his shoulders and Marcus is itching to rub it away.

They look each other up and down for a long moment. There are new lines on Tomas' face Marcus doesn't remember seeing before. His beautiful olive skin is pale, and doesn't look healthy. Maybe an often mentally unstable priest in the room is not the only one suffering. Except his suffering is different from Tomas' and largely self-inflicted. Underneath the bravado and the rudeness, Marcus is itchy and unsure. 

Tomas takes a deep breath and steps into Marcus' personal space. He's not touching him, just being there, inches away. Marcus can feel his breath ghosting over his face, and his eyes are searching for something. He doesn't know what it is. Maybe he finds it, maybe he doesn't, but he reaches out to touch Marcus' face gently as if he is afraid to spook a wild animal. And maybe Marcus is a wild animal in this moment. A fawn in a meadow. Tomas' fingers feel like sunshine itself on his skin. 

''I was so worried about you,'' Tomas' voice breaks and Marcus physically has to hold himself in check to keep arms at his sides.

''I'm OK. Tomas, God spoke to me...''

He doesn't get to finish the sentence because Tomas closes the distance between them and kisses him. It's like a small explosion behind Marcus' eyelids. He nearly sobs with the contact and finally allows himself to touch. The line of Tomas' jaw is so familiar and yet the older man believed that he would never be able to touch Tomas again. 

Tomas pulls back for a split second before his mouth descends on Marcus' again – fierce and demanding. It's all tongue and teeth, and it leaves Marcus' head spinning. It's nothing like their first kiss in that dingy motel room just off the island. It's like a claim on Marcus' soul, and he realises that this is exactly that. Tomas is covering Marcus in his scent, staking his claim. If he could brand him in any way, he probably would right this second.

They break apart, breathing heavily, and Tomas' eyes are so dark, they almost look unnatural. He strokes Marcus' face like it's the most precious thing in the whole world, and maybe to him it actually is. Marcus promised God not to doubt Tomas any more. 

The younger man leads him over to the hotel bed and pulls him into his lap, bracing his back against the headboard. Marcus should feel like an idiot doing this, but he really doesn't. He just feels safe in the younger man's arms. Tomas' fingers stroke his back, drawing lazy circles on it, and Marcus is so grateful, he doesn't have it in him to even ask questions. The moment is simply too precious. 

Neither man has any idea what time it is, but nor do they seem to care. It's dark outside when Tomas finally sighs and presses a kiss to Marcus' short hair, tightening his arms around the man and then moving him off his lap. The ex-priest protests, but Tomas silences him with a soft press of lips to his own. 

''I need a shower, Marcus. And then we are going to bed,'' he picks up Marcus' panicked eyes and frowns for a second. ''To sleep, beloved. You are exhausted, and I have been on the road what seems like a very long time. Just get comfortable, all right?''  
He waits for Marcus to nod before he head off, grabbing a change of clothes on his way. 

Marcus takes off the sweater and jeans, leaving the t-shirt and boxers on and crawls under the covers. He's shared a bed with Tomas before, but there was not often a lot of sleeping involved. Marcus was too afraid to get too close, to wake up wrapped around the younger man's body. He spent nights awake and grabbed cat naps on the way to catch up with his own sleep schedule. He listens to the shower running, and cannot help but imagine the beautiful creature currently under the hot spray where he had been just a while ago. Part of him wants to get up and join Tomas, but the bigger part is still afraid.

Tomas emerges from the shower a little while later, wearing a similar attire to Marcus. His eyes are full of concern for Marcus, and it makes the older man feel guilty again. He seems to be doing everything to push Tomas away even though he doesn't want to. He doesn't know how to make it better, or what to even say to start that particular conversation.

''Marcus,'' the younger man's voice is soft, and he sits on the edge of the bed, reaching out to take his hand into both of his. ''I don't know what has scared you so badly, apart from maybe hearing God again... but I promise I'm not going to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, OK? The last thing I want to do is push you away. I'd just like to hold you. Just tonight. Wake up next to you in the morning. I love you. That isn't going to change, and if you don't want to share a bed with me... that's fine too''.

''Tomas...'' Marcus hates how broken his own voice sounds. ''I want you... maybe not.. not.., but I would like to wake up next to you too. It's just... I'm...''

Tomas silences him with a soft brush of lips against his own and crawls under the covers, pulling Marcus close once again and tucking him in as much as possible.  
''Whatever it is that scares you... we can sort it out, all right? Nothing is going to change my opinion of you. Sleep, beloved. Just rest''.

Maybe that's exactly what Marcus' tired brain and battered soul needs hear, because he can feel stinging behind his eyelids. Tomas hand stroking his back never stops, and he just holds Marcus close, murmuring reassurances in Spanish till Marcus is all cried out, and exhausted sleep finally claims him.

Tomas is awake for a long time, not trusting himself to fall asleep only to wake without Marcus next to him once again. The time spent apart had been agonizing for the younger man. It had been like a constant headache that would not let him function properly. He had felt ill for days after Marcus left, and the only good thing about the whole situation had been Tomas doing prayer double-time. It had pleased God, but not really helped the situation.

Something is clearly freaking Marcus out, and Tomas has no idea what it is. He knows they will figure this out in good time. He is grateful to have the other man here, safe and in relatively one piece. The weight of Marcus' body over his is a pleasant feeling, and he's happy to just enjoy it. This presence is enough. And if it means that Tomas has to reign in his arousal – he can try and do that. Some people are simply made to not crave sexual contact. Tomas is all right with that. Kissing seemed to be all right, but he won't know till he has a proper conversation with the other man. A conversation that is not filled with pain and desperation.

Tomas thinks he feels older than his thirty five years. He has matured in a way he couldn't while being a Parish priest, and trying to be a good member of the Church. The same Church that would have thrown him out and not looked back, just like it did with Marcus. He doesn't buy the 'my hand was forced' attitude. Countless times in history, this organisation has swiped things under a rug, and conveniently forgotten about them. Especially in countries such as his own. He thinks of how unfair it is to Marcus, and how much the collar meant to him. However, they have now been apart for a time during which the ex-priest could have changed his mind. Tomas feels himself finally drift, but he knows he isn't going to sleep long. Marcus' breathing is peaceful, however, and it allows Tomas to give in at least for a few hours.


	3. No More Half-truths. No More Omissions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marcus knows that waking up means he needs to finally man up and talk to the man he's in love with. It means feeling exposed once again, and he's built walls around himself. Walls he's afraid of destroying now. But it's Tomas, and he wants to be honest with Tomas. No more half-truths. No more omissions

Marcus wakes up when the sun is shining and Tomas is wrapped around him like a protective blanket. The younger man is still asleep, and Marcus turns to look at his beautiful face in the sunlight. There are no worries on it at the moment. Tomas seems to feels the other man's eyes on him, because his lashes flutter, and suddenly Marcus is looking directly in two sleepy pools of green.

''Good morning,'' he murmurs and has to kiss the younger man who smiles at him and buries himself closer to Marcus.

His erection is prominent and Tomas freezes for a second, eyes going wide. He's now definitely awake and suddenly feels awkward and shy. He moves to pull away, but Marcus' palm on his hip stills the younger man.

''Don't shy away from me now, sweetheart,'' Marcus murmurs, sliding his palm up to cup the younger man's cheek.

''I don't want to make you uncomfortable,'' Tomas' voice is barely audible and he swallows thickly but leans into Marcus' touch.

''You're not going to make me uncomfortable because you're giving me a cuddle and poke me with you erection,'' Marcus reassures him, but Tomas doesn't look convinced. ''There is nothing you can do about it. I might be naïve, but know how biology works''.

The younger man sighs and leans in for a kiss, morning breath be damned. His muscles are still tense, and Marcus doesn't know what to do to change that. He's not yet familiar with his own body reacting to someone being so close. And also that someone being Tomas. Someone he's deeply in love with. 

Tomas is still tense, so Marcus flops on his back with a sigh of his own. His mind and his body are in conflict, and Marcus almost wants to scream in his pillow when Tomas shuffles out of bed and disappears behind the bathroom door. The ex-priest has no precedent when dealing with these things. Arousal is almost a new thing to him. 

His whole life arousal has been followed by burning shame, frying his nerve endings, making him disgusted with his body. Most of his life his body has been a work in progress, and now that he's finally starting to know and learn more about it, he hits this other barrier. Maybe Tomas isn't even interested any more. Except they clearly shared a bed, and he's at least somewhat interested in kissing Marcus. So it's not disinterest. Marcus' brain almost short-circuits. What if Tomas already knows that Marcus is all wrong? That he cannot give Tomas … anything the other man probably wants. 

Tomas emerges a minute later and hesitates for a moment, but Marcus reaches for him, and the younger man comes willingly. He slides back into the bed and next to him and Marcus pulls him close, pillowing Tomas' head on his chest. He's sure the younger man could feel the scars if he let his hands explore more. The younger man doesn't. He wraps an arm around Marcus' middle and squeezes him. Not too much, but just enough to make Marcus choke on tears.

''I love you,'' Tomas murmurs, his hand sneaking up to cup Marcus' cheek. ''I've missed you so much. I had no idea how hard it would be to not see your stupid face every day''.

Marcus laughs, even though it sounds choked up and broken, but Tomas doesn't make him uncomfortable. He wants to explore these new urges. With Tomas. It's never been anybody but him. He enjoyed kissing Peter on the island. Both of them a little desperate, a little aroused. Not in love, and not looking for a relationship. Maybe Peter wanted more at the time... Marcus didn't know. They were not around long enough for him to ask.

''Are you going to stay?''  
Tomas' words pierce him like a poisoned arrow. His eyes go wide and his blinks at the other man.

''I had no other plans...''  
Marcus' voice sounds unsure even to his own ears. He's a coward. Again. His first instinct is to jump through a window and run away. Hide in a dark corner somewhere till a new demon possesses an innocent soul and he can re-claim his identity again. 

''Good,'' Tomas murmurs.

''So what's...um... what's the plan?''  
Marcus finally gets his voice under control again. Tomas is a solid, warm weight on his chest, and the ex-priest doesn't want to be anywhere but here in this moment.

''Well.. we nap, then get up to get breakfast followed by decent cup of coffee around the corner. Afterwards... we do whatever the hell we want till it's time to get lunch''.  
Tomas doesn't sound like he's joking. He sounds as if he's been planning this all along and Marcus feels confused yet again.

''But what about... exorcisms?''  
He asks weakly and his younger partner just shrugs.

''Mouse is taking care of some things before we get back on the road. She's looking into trying to find Bennett. Hopefully alive and in one piece. While she does that, there is not much we can do, but stay put. Do research. Pray. And try not to get into trouble more than necessary''.

''I don't understand''. 

''Which part is confusing you?''

''I thought...''

''Marcus. Mouse has dragged me over state lines for...well God knows how long it took you to catch up. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I need proper sleep that does not involve demons or death, or anything in between. You clearly need proper care. What's there to not understand?''  
Tomas voice never leaves it's calm, sea-like lull. The words are frustrated, but the tone is not. There is confidence in his voice Marcus doesn't remember him possessing before.

''So we're just going to sit around an do nothing?'' he attempts to at least sound worried even though deep down Marcus is relieved they don't have to jump back in.   
He's not ready for another exorcism just yet. He knows his own limitations very well at this point.

''No. We're going to re-charge our batteries while providing tech support for Mouse. Her immediate plan was to fly to Rome and to blow up the Vatican, so you can understand that she doesn't want to sit around with us. However, she agrees that both of us are more of use here than with her at the moment''.

Marcus gives in at that point. He cannot find one useable argument that would make Tomas change his mind. He also doesn't want to change Tomas' mind, his brain supplies. He wants to have a little bit of time to gather his bearings and figure out what his relationship with Tomas is going to look like. He hasn't actually gotten that far yet.

The ex-priest doesn't really know what to say at all, and before he can figure that out, Tomas' breath has evened out and his younger companion is dozing lightly. Maybe it is for the better, since it gives Marcus time to think. However, thinking doesn't really help either. He still has no idea about broaching the subject of their relationship. He knows he loves Tomas. Whatever that means for them, Marcus is sure he cannot give the younger man what he needs. He has no idea of what Tomas really wants, and just prays that the younger man will still be enthusiastic about Marcus being back when they discuss that particular subject.

Tomas is oblivious to the inner battle the other man is fighting. He allows his own mind to drift peacefully. Being on the road with Mouse certainly has been beneficial for the younger man. He knows that he loves Marcus no matter what. He has his suspicions of what is holding Marcus back, but he doesn't want to scare the other man off with being too forward. They will definitely have time to sit down, and talk.

He opens his eyes about an hour later, when Marcus moves to get out of bed.  
''Bathroom,'' the older man murmurs, but presses a kiss to Tomas' hair and the priest yawns and nods. Perhaps it's really time to get out of bed and find breakfast if they want to start their day at all. 

Tomas stretches like a cat and abandons the warm nest in search of jeans, a shirt, and some socks. The only socks he can find that are not falling apart are different colours. That's how Tomas ends up with one pink and one purple sock. His t-shirt doesn't match either of those, but that's the only clean one he has. Maybe they need to take stock and actually re-stock. He laughs. Marcus will absolutely love the idea. Not.

Marcus emerges from the bathroom and stops dead in his tracks, eyeing the strange sock combination. It strikes him as utterly domestic, and it makes the butterflies in his stomach start fluttering again as if he had never seen Tomas wear socks. The younger man used to wear his vestments with ease and grace, and then he became and exorcist, and all that morphed into wearing odd socks and wonky shirts with holes in them. Marcus wants more for this extraordinary young man, he wants to give him a better life than this. However, he has no idea how he ever could. Not when he's a mess and has lied to his...   
''Are you just going to stare, or are you ready to go?''  
The younger man's voice disturbs the train of thought before the ex-priest starts hyperventilating. 

They walk around the block and find a diner that serves breakfast. Tomas orders coffee and pushes the menu towards the other man. There are some good breakfast choices, and Marcus eventually settles on eggs and bacon and sausages. Comfort breakfast. They don't talk, but for the first time in a long time the silence doesn't grind on Marcus' nerves or make him uncomfortable. He feels almost relaxed in Tomas' company. 

The food is good and the coffee is acceptable. They bicker about paying about the food, but Tomas doesn't accept any objections. He also picks up more coffee and sugary doughnuts on their way back to their current place of residence. It feels strange not being on a clock, not waiting for an exorcism to go wrong. To just be with Tomas. He should have known that nothing nice really lasts in the world of Marcus Keane.

They get inside, put down food and Tomas closes the door, takes off his jacket and sits down.  
''We need to talk, Marcus''.  
His voice is serious and the older man's heart sinks. He'd hoped to have at least a little bit more of this bliss.


	4. Out In The Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Marcus swallows almost audibly after that statement, but Tomas doesn't look like he's going to budge. His eyes are dark and face serious, but not because of the reasons Marcus would like. The only thing he can think of doing is to sit down too. He fidgets and eventually Tomas sighs and moves to sit next to him, taking Marcus' fingers between his palms to stop him from plucking at his skin.

''Talk to me, Marcus. Help me understand,''  
The younger man's tone is so gentle, Marcus thinks he might just burst into tears here and now. 

''I thought God was not talking to me any more,'' he starts, voice not really working properly. 'That he finally had given up. I was broken. I had no idea how to even get myself back together. And I thought I was doing the right thing. Not contaminating you with....''  
He waves his hand around dismissively and Tomas' eyes soften some more. The younger man stays close, but he doesn't push Marcus for more. He just waits the other man out, and it has been a long time since another human being has done that.

''But... but God spoke to me. I heard His voice in my ears, and He let me know I had been a fool. An idiot. And that I had to find you... and here I am''.  
He can still remember collapsing on the pier, ears ringing, vision completely blackened out. Other workers had thought he was having a stroke. How do you explain that God is basically telling you off for being a numpty? 

''He sent you back to me,''  
Tomas' voice is quiet, and he looks away, letting go of Marcus' fingers.  
''I prayed. Watching you leave was one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I lost you, but I had to keep praying. That it was the right decision for you... that you would be safe. And maybe...maybe we'd see each other again''.

''Tomas... I'm not who you think I am. I'm... not worthy of that kind of forgiveness''.

''What are you talking about?''  
Tomas' voice pierces his soul like a red, hot poker. The rejection is clearly written on the younger man's face, and Marcus wants to slap himself. He's not making any sense, and considering the context, of course Tomas would feel hurt and rejected.

Marcus doesn't want him to be. He's in love with this brave, foolish boy. The boy who is a man. Man whose love and forgiveness Marcus Keane doesn't deserve.   
''I'm too old for you. I'm scarred and you deserve something more... someone who's not scarred,''  
he attempts to explain, but that just seems to make Tomas panic. Great, well done. He's already tried this tactic. It doesn't have the results it promises on the tin. 

''I love you,''  
The younger man's voice is quiet. There is a note of sadness in it, but there is also love and determination. Marcus could never walk away from him again. He would rather die. And it will probably happen sooner than he thinks. People like Marcus Keane don't have a long life expectancy.

Marcus feels a little numb. He knows Tomas says it because he means it, and he knows he needs to be honest with the other man too. Because Tomas will change his mind once he knows that Marcus Keane lies for a living. He's made an art of it. 

''I don't care about your scars, Marcus,''   
His younger companion tries again. ''I don't care about any of that. I just care about you... ''

The ex-priest wishes he could just crawl into bed with his younger companion and forget this conversation has to take place. Tomas is not going to let go, and Marcus is ready to stop being a liar and a cheat. 

He gets up and removes his trousers first, despite the startled little sound Tomas makes in the back of his throat. Marcus takes off his sweater and t-shirt, leaving the under shirt on for a moment. The ex-priest exhales the breath he's been holding, before he sighs and takes the shirt off completely. Sends a prayer to God and turns to face Tomas, hands shaking. Whatever the judgement is, he doesn't want to lie any more.

''Marcus...''  
Tomas' voice is quiet, but there is no pity in it. His younger lover's eyes are wide and there is a sudden understanding in them.  
''Is that why you...''  
Tomas starts, but doesn't quite know how to finish that sentence. He cannot pity Marcus, there is nothing to pity him for. There is only sadness that this beautiful, wonderful man has gone through life hiding and feeling guilty. Tomas now understands the guilt and the reluctance to become close. 

''May I?''  
He asks, reaching for the other man who comes freely, looking almost relieved. Tomas waits for the permission. He doesn't want to make Marcus uncomfortable. Not now. The moment is too intimate, too sacred. Tomas wants to show Marcus that he doesn't judge him. There is only love.

He urges the ex-priest to lay down, and then shakes himself out of jeans and his t-shirt, leaving his boxers on. Tomas moves the covers and slides in, pulling Marcus close so that their faces are just inches apart.

''I love you. I told you I don't care. It's the 21st century not the Middle ages. Marcus Keane, you are the man I fell in love with – scars or no scars. I see you.... you're beautiful,''  
Tomas' voice is quiet, but firm, and whatever Marcus is looking for in his face, he seems to find it, because the ex-priest finally leans in and their mouths meet in a kiss.

It's open and honest, and Marcus feels tears sliding down his cheeks, relief washing over him like a tsunami. It's overwhelming, it's too much. He doesn't know what to say or do to show Tomas how much it matters. He had thought that being in his 50s... that this acceptance wouldn't be important any more. But it is. Oh it definitely still matters to him. 

And then he's in Tomas' arms, being rocked and the younger man whispers Spanish endearments in his ear while stroking Marcus' hair. 

It takes the ex-priest a while to get his breathing under control. Tears eventually stop and he feels exhausted and raw. Tomas strokes his face and presses a kiss to Marcus' face.  
''I love you... I love you so much,'' his younger companion murmurs and Marcus swallows thickly. 

Tomas disentangles himself from Marcus despite the older man's protests. He hushes Marcus with a kiss and gets a glass of water and some tissues to hand over.  
''Here, sit up a little bit,'' he instructs and hands Marcus the tissues, water and a painkiller. ''You'll have a headache otherwise''.  
He doesn't treat Marcus like an idiot, the ex-priest realises. Tomas is just trying to take care of him. In subtle ways he's done it almost all their time together. And Marcus never really noticed.

The younger man nods and gets back under the covers waiting Marcus out. He doesn't touch him first, but when the ex-priest settles down with his head on Tomas' chest, the younger man wraps his arms around his lover and draws the covers over them both, creating a cocoon of warmth and love.

''Thank you,'' Marcus eventually croaks.

''Any time, beloved. You just rest and we'll figure out the rest later, yes?''  
Tomas soothes and kisses the top of Marcus' head. It's a simple gesture, but it comes so natural for Tomas, he doesn't question it.

Marcus is exhausted, so is breath soon evens out and he's asleep. Tomas thinks his lover has been carrying this guilt for such a long time... it's only fair that he stays up to stand vigil over Marcus Keane.

This morning's revelation is a new development, but Tomas deep down isn't surprised. Yes he's surprised of this second coming out for Marcus, but not about the fact that he's been carrying this secret. The younger man knows that his lover's life is complicated and as non-black and white as they come. Now that this is out in the open between them... they can start healing. It's going to be a long process, he's sure of it.

Tomas has a million questions whizzing through his brain. How? When did Marcus figure it out? All trivial things. He's almost 100% sure the Church paid for Marcus' surgery, but why would they do it? Not that it really matters, to be fair. I's irrelevant. What matters is that the ex-priest is all right. He's here and Tomas is going to protect this...whatever this is between them. 

He nods off and wakes up when Marcus stirs. They've slept for a good few hours and probably both needed it, and it's not like it really matters at the moment. Tomas waits him out. Marcus' eyes widen for a moment, but Tomas' face is so open and so close that he can't help himself but lean in for a kiss. 

''Thank you...''  
the older man's voice is still a bit raw, and Tomas nods.

''Any time... and I meant every word I said, Marcus. I don't care about your past. It's yours to keep or share as you want...''  
He struggles for words a little bit. Strong emotions always reduce Tomas to Spanish, and Marcus would probably understand.

''I know you have questions... I want to tell you... but not just yet... ''  
There is longing in the other man's voice. Like he wants to make good on that promise, but is struggling.  
''I've never told anyone... not even Mouse... Bennett suspects, but the documents don't exist any more... so he can's snoop..''  
Marcus offers his lover a smile. It's a little bit wobbly still, but it's real. 

Tomas nods and reaches to touch Marcus just to catch himself halfway. The ex-priest nods and leans in so his lover's fingers can touch his cheek and pull him closer if that's even possible.  
''I'm so glad it was you,'' the ex-priest says after a moment of silence. ''I fell in love with you... and it was driving me insane... I was a liar and had the audacity to condemn you... and Jessica when I was not being truthful to you...''  
He sighs and rubs his face against Tomas' chest.

''I was just convinced you knew I had feelings for you and didn't approve,''  
Tomas' own voice has gone quiet.

''When you left I was in agony. I couldn't function for a week and then Mouse eventually got fed up and dumped me in a convent somewhere to sort myself out. I prayed, worked for the nuns and prayed some more before Mouse came back. I had patched the hole in my heart, but it was still painful...and then you came back''.  
He kisses Marcus' hair.

Tomas can feel the wheels turning inside his lover's head and he nudges Marcus' chin up, so they can look at one another properly.  
''I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could tell me. I'll... try and make it up to you...''

Marcus shudders and kisses his younger companion's lips. It's not the gentle kind of kiss they've been sharing. It's all tongue and teeth, possession and claiming.

''It wasn't you. It was myself. I'd kept it for so long...I thought it didn't matter...''  
He says and puts a finger against Tomas' lips when the man starts protesting. He needs to say it out loud for it to be real. He wants to be shameless in this declaration before Tomas as he is before God.

''I know you don't care, love. I take your word for it. But I found I did after all... and now you know. Marcus Keane the bad-ass motherfucker exorcist was born a woman''.


	5. You Are My Lighthouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk. And they talk some more. And Tomas would really love to buy a cottage and settle down.

Tomas has to smile at that little bravado display. There is so much pain, and Tomas just wants to take it all away. He knows he can't. There are some things Marcus has to work out on his own. He can only reassure the other man, and show him support. He's usually good with counselling of his parishioners. However, this is the time where Tomas falls short. How does he justify this life to Marcus? Where does God and religion, and Faith stand on this. 

The ex-priest's face softens and he strokes Tomas' face.  
''It's all right, sweetheart. I've worked out all my doubts about Church and God, and Faith with God. I've been on this road for a long time. Don't pull a muscle thinking so hard''.

''I just want to help, but I know I can't,''  
The younger man admits, closing his eyes for a moment. 

This is the first moment ever since Marcus came back when he can see Tomas' resolve crack. He's been on this roll of optimism, direction and leadership, but there is pain and sadness underneath that layer of armour Marcus' younger companion has built around himself.  
''You're here, Tomas. You haven't run screaming just because you know....''  
He says. It's clear to Marcus that both of them needed the comfort, and take it from each other. The older man used to have an internal debate with himself. Protecting Tomas at first, and then some more. Now he knows, that he is where he is meant to be. 

Marcus presses his lips against Tomas' and settles back down on the younger man's chest.  
''I've never cared what's between my partner's legs, really,''  
Tomas says, after pressing a kiss to Marcus' hair.  
''I'm not supposed to look anyway... or the Church says so...''  
Marcus snorts at that, fingers drawing a lazy pattern on the younger man's chest. 

No, neither is....was he, really. For a long time he thought that being a Priest is great not only because he had a purpose, but also his complete lack of interest in sex went hand in hand with the vocation, being an exorcist, and struggling with identity. It's easier to focus on the job and not think about anything else. And when his head became too loud – there was always a bottle at hand to forget and stop thinking for once. That changed with meeting Tomas. And now that he's officially de-frocked, nobody can tell him what he can or cannot do. 

''I don't know what... or how much I can give you, Tomas,''   
Marcus finally says, as if afraid that Tomas is hoping for something... he doesn't know what he's thinking, really. 

Marcus Keane doesn't have a lot of experience where relationships are concerned. He's not even sure what he wants apart from feeling comfortable in his own skin. The topic of sex isn't as uncomfortable as it might have been once, but Marcus doesn't know where to begin. He's experimented some, but it had been anonymous, with men he never has to see again. Shady bars and alleyways, and quick, desperate acts he's not proud of. He wants something better between him and Tomas. Something more. 

''I'm still a Priest, Marcus. Although by this time I have broken all my vows, and it's only a matter of time till the Church catches up on it and takes the collar away,''  
He doesn't let Marcus protest. Tomas might have been a dreamer once, but now he's a realist. He knows where he stands with God. The Church doesn't mean as much to him anymore. Especially now. It's not the Church he loved. 

''How about we take it one step at a time and see what's what? I want you. God knows I do. But the physical aspects of a relationship mean far less to me than waking up next to you in the morning. Sharing my thoughts with you...hell, even arguing with you... having you in my life. The rest we can figure out over time''.  
He speaks as if he truly believes they are both not going to end up dead soon.   
''When did you grow up and got so wise?''  
Marcus asks, trying to steady his voice, but Tomas can still hear the relief in it. He gets it. 

''You could tell it was by Divine intervention. There was a lot of soul searching involved. And a lot of Tequila,''  
He still remembers the hangover the next morning. Mouse had thought it absolutely hilarious, and made a point of speaking extra loud when talking to him.

Celibacy had never been an issue until Jessica came along. Tomas remembers that as a mistake..the whole relationship had been built on frustration and want to escape from their real lives. There had been no real love in it, just lust. It wasn't the kind of relationship he wants with Marcus.

''I don't want you to deny yourself because I can't...''  
Marcus says, but stops, unsure how to finish the sentence. He can't...what? He isn't quite the virgin he once was. Surely, he can put the comfort away and give Tomas the pleasure he deserves. The younger man is a sensual being, even if the Church denies him. Marcus spent enough time on the road with Tomas to know... because shady motels don't provide as much privacy as one would hope. He's surprised the other man didn't come to him with questions before. But maybe ignorance is bliss, and to be fair, with exorcisms and vision from God, Tomas had been a bit pre-occupied.

''It's all right, Marcus. A bit of self-denying won't kill me. I'd rather do that than rush this. You are too important,''  
He doesn't say that this relationship has to be put on the back burner as soon as their impromptu couple of days alone are over. However, it seems to settle the other man for now, and that's a win in Tomas' book.

Tomas doesn't have the energy at the moment to speak of God or visions, or demons, or exorcisms. He wants Marcus near, greasy food and a cold beer in the evening, and decent night's sleep. His mind and body both need time before anything else can happen. Besides, Marcus has had enough of an emotional roller coaster over the last two or three days not even taking into account a lifetime of shit he's gone through. If they go out to face the world, Tomas wants to do it armed. God will just have to understand. 

They stay entwined for a while, but eventually Marcus stirs. He's not used to this kind of stillness. It doesn't come naturally to him, and the younger man really doesn't blame him.   
''We could go and find food,'' he suggests, pressing a kiss to Tomas' chest and grins up at the other man when his companion's stomach gives a rumble.

''That involves getting out of bed,''  
The younger man grumbles, but his eyes are amused and there is a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Marcus thinks he doesn't have to get used to this. He's already used to this. Being this close to another human being and not feeling fear or discomfort. He commits this feeling to memory. He pulls himself up, so their lips can meet in a soft kiss before he rolls off Tomas and sits up. The other man sighs and follows the example, sourcing something to wear. He's more muscular than Marcus remembers, he's lost weight, tough, and that's not acceptable. 

They find a diner and have food that isn't gas station chocolate bars and shit coffee. The brew is actually decent, and Marcus nearly groans when the food hits his taste buds. Tomas is in a good mood, and they actually chat about nonsense. It doesn't feel forced, however, and Marcus is glad about that too. He couldn't bear if chatting with Tomas now would feel awkward. He's never been one for a random chinwag here and there, but it seems appropriate. It's almost like a date. In a diner, but still feels a bit like a date with a sweetheart. Nobody pays them any attention. They're just two guys in a diner, and that's another blessing. It's so utterly... normal.

They buy beer and snacks on their way back. The weather allows for a slow stroll, and neither man has anywhere else to be. It should make Marcus antsy, but it doesn't. Maybe it's God, or maybe it's Tomas' calming influence. He's a solid presence next to Marcus. Both men settle down with their backs against the headboard of the bed, open a beer and share a bag of crisps between them. 

''This is almost domestic,''  
He says at one point, looking at his companion. Neither of them are really watching the television, it's just a background noise.

''Somehow I don't see it as a bad thing,''  
Tomas shoots back, offering Marcus a smile.

''It's not. It's...not what I'm used to, that's all...''

''Would you like to get used to it?

''I'm not good at playing house, Tomas. I'm difficult to live with. I tend to come and go as I please, and have terrible table manners''.

''Bullshit. Your table manners are just fine. And I'm sure we could build you a cat flap,''  
Tomas jokes. There is a note of disappointment or sadness in his voice, and Marcus does everything he can not to flinch. It brings him back to the reality and the fact that this... whatever this is... is still in its infancy.

He feels like he's loved Tomas forever. In reality it's not quite so. Settling down has never been on Marcus' to-do list. Frankly, he never thought he'd live long enough to settle down. Or that he would find someone to settle down with. Maybe at some point it's worth to come back and re-examine these feelings. He leans in to kiss the other man's cheek gently, to chase away the storm clouds gathering above Tomas' head. He has a tendency to either react too quickly, or stew and overthink things. Pot, kettle black much?

Marcus rakes his brain for something to say, but he's saved by Tomas' phone ringing. He looks at it and sets his beer down to take the call.  
''Mouse. I'll be back in five minutes,'' he grins and grabs the room key just in case, and leaves Marcus to imagine the details of the conversation. 

She used to call Marcus for stuff like this. But he has nobody but himself to blame. He just hopes it's a social call and not the ''I found a possessed child'' kind of call.


	6. Abba Father Let Me Be

The conversation he has with Mouse is not quite a social call. There is at least one possessed person they've found, but it's more alarming because the possessed man is a priest. Tomas should be used to it by now. They have found at least three on their way here. 

The Church has a long reach, so Tomas isn't too surprised that whatever is going on in Vatican is reaching big and small towns of America. He sighs, listening to Mouse run over what she knows already, and looks back at the closed hotel room door. They need a few more days to sort themselves out. Neither him nor Marcus are yet ready to jump right back into the order of business. Mouse gets it. She says they'll do what they can without them. He doesn't ask for details. 

Marcus. He's the only thing that matters in Tomas' life right now. There is nothing else and nobody else. Maybe it's time Tomas put a stop to exorcisms. Find a quiet piece of land and live the rest of their years in peace. But he's aware that Marcus doesn't find much peace in sitting around and doing nothing. He couldn't. Marcus Keane needs a purpose. He can't just stay still because staying still used to mean certain death. Tomas is tired of running around. Being an exorcist has never been his purpose. It has been a part of it. His purpose is Marcus. So he will do whatever it takes to make the other man happy.

He takes a deep breath and goes back to their room. Marcus' eyes are curious and Tomas just shrugs.  
''Possessed priest two towns over. Mouse is handling it. She'll call if anything'.  
There would have been times when Marcus would have objected to doing nothing, but he just nods. Tomas thinks it's a clear sign that neither of them are ready to go back into the life they knew for a while. The older man just nods and reaches for Tomas who comes willingly and offers his partner a kiss.

They talk and stay close, but neither man moves for a long time. The television doesn't really matter, but it creates a background noise. It's comforting. They don't really talk about the future or what it means. Somehow Tomas knows it will work itself out. There is no doubt that the lifespan of an exorcist is far shorter than that of a Parish priest. But he's committed to the cause now. They really need to gather more strength if there is any chance of winning this war. That means getting to their brothers and sisters in arms before the demons do. 

''We'll figure it out,''  
Marcus eventually guesses what the younger man is thinking. He sounds sure, and Tomas really can't object. Marcus has been doing this job much longer, he knows ins and outs of it like the back of his hand. 

''Marcus, all I know is I love you. I want to stay with you as long as I can. God led us this far. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose,''  
He grins and Marcus laughs.

''Romans eight. You're a smartarse, you know that?''  
But there is no bite in his voice, just fondness. Tomas feels himself blush and rest his cheek on the other man's shoulder. 

Marcus puts down the empty beer and wraps his arm around Tomas' shoulder. Tomas reaches for his other hand and entwines their fingers. There is deep peace in him now, and if he can keep this feeling around even if for a short time, he's happy to do anything to make it happen. Even if it is just for a day. Marcus eventually will get restless and want to jump into action. 

But Marcus doesn't bring it up a day later. Or two days later. Or three. They wander out for food and booze, but otherwise stay close to one another. Tomas sleeps better than he's slept in a long time. They re-learn sharing a space, work around one another. Re-learning the little triggers that sends Marcus' mood into sadness overdrive is something Tomas takes very seriously. 

Over the course of the week they spend just doing nothing, he's pretty much nailed it. His responses too. The way he has to touch Marcus when the man is having a nightmare, and how Marcus likes to wrap his arms around Tomas in the early hours if he cant sleep. Marcus takes himself outside at dawn to have a cigarette and then comes back to bed, wrapping his long limbs around Tomas who doesn't stir. He feels like they've been together forever. 

Tomas likes going for a run before breakfast. Marcus doesn't mind. He waits for Tomas and gets ready for the day while the other man is away. They go out to a local diner for waffles and eggs, and toast. 

''I'd love to make you breakfast,''   
Marcus comments on their second day out like this. Tomas grins around his mouthful of coffee.

''We'll have to arrange that,'''  
He absolutely wants Marcus to cook for him. And to have a place where they can cook dinner. Together. 

He can picture that. Almost postcard-like. Cooking a meal, sharing it, dozing in front of TV, limbs heavy and content. Bringing Marcus breakfast in bed on slow Saturday mornings, and going out for lunch after Mass on Sundays. It's a Utopian dream. But a man is allowed to dream.

Mouse knocks on their hotel room door after nine days of utter bliss. She has dark circles under her eyes, her skin is pale, but she's uninjured. They eat pizza and drink beer before packing up. Mouse doesn't ask questions. She's too tired and collapses on the single cot they have added to the room because Tomas charmed a receptionist. 

They set off early next morning. Tomas climbs in the back of the truck next to Marcus. Mouse doesn't ask, just informs them of destination number one. They will cross State line and take it from there. Tomas' fingers entwine with Marcus', and the other man looks at him, startled. Mouse offers him a grin in the rear-view mirror and turns her Muse CD louder. It might not be a bright new world. But Marcus knows he is where he should be. 

 

_“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.”  
― Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Good Omens._


End file.
